aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (new girl - sharing a bed)
The rarewomen archive is live, as of this morning, with a story for everyone and 220 fics! *collapses happily*

I wrote:

that black forest and the fire in earnest (The Awakening (2011), Florence Cathcart, horrorgen)
She turns her head, suddenly aware of a thousand aching pieces, parts, joints, whispering or howling for attention. Hands, wrapping and re-wrapping a kind of gauze. Female hands, female arms, and there. A face. The girl is young with a round face that seems at once utterly foreign and intensely familiar. It is her eyes Florence knows -- absurd, since she’s certain the girl at her side is stranger, but true.

“What has happened?” Florence manages, each word tasting like dust.


we are the half-destroyed instruments that once held to a course (The X-Files, Dana Scully/Samantha Mulder/Monica Reyes, prefemslashy mystery adventure and awkward flirting)
“That’s what I’m proposing, yes. And be patient, Sam. Good things come to those who wait.”

“Not much comes to those who wait, you mean,” Mulder teases, knocking Reyes in the arm, an easy physical motion that could mean nothing or everything. Scully tries to remember the last time Mulder touched her like that -- they are partners, after all -- and surfaces blank, thinking only of her fingers tight around Mulder’s arm, Scully trying to quell her own shaking.

She’s not sure, then, exactly what she’s seeking.

Perhaps that is what scares Scully most about all of this.

I received a lovely, fluffy rom-com of a New Girl story from flipflop_diva: The End (It's Coming Closer) (Jess/Cece, zombies. And yes, you can have zombie-related fluff!)

For the rest of May I'll be 
  • moving (!!!!)
  • reworking my Spring Breakers review for BitchFlicks
  • writing a book review for the Lesbrary
  • and gathering ideas for not_primetime and intoabar
Hope you all are feeling lovely!


Sep. 7th, 2012 12:00 am
aphrodite_mine: two women wearing army hats steal a kiss (random - vintage love)
I need it.

I wrote up a budget where I'm actually saving about $150 a month, but it means only seeing my gf once a week (and eating her food and watching tv), only seeing friends once a week (and eating their food and watching tv), spending less than $10 a week on food (so eating like, bread and jam for lunch? and begging my mom -- who is also broke but generous when it comes to her kids eating -- to feed me other times) and probably, for the first time in my life, not paying bills in full. Not exaggerating -- the thought of not paying my bills in full is GIVING ME HEART PALPITATIONS and I feel like my throat is going to close up.

Not to mention I have to go to the doctor soon ($$) and probably get on new/more meds ($$) so I don't dive headfirst into OCD. [And lets not even talk about how I haven't taken my cat to the vet. Ever.]

(And lest I sound like I am exaggerating... You buying a $1 drabble isn't going to make or break me. I'll be okay. I'm still planning to visit Minneapolis in a month, and I'm not going to cancel my insurance. So if you don't have the money, and have dire-er needs to attend to? Please don't spend money on me. If this stuff sounds appealing, or you have cash literally falling out of your hands and you're like "Oh god what do I even DO with all this money" first of all, who are you, and second of all, I think I know what you can do with that money. Hah. )

I, unfortunately, don't have much to offer but I have to try something. I can't get another job with this variable schedule (other than like babysitting, and believe me, I am trying) and my energy/productivity is usually scraping the bottom of the barrel. But here's what I can offer.

  • Small decorative pillow. Sized roughly 5-6 inches by 5-6 inches. Color of your choice. Can be made to match a room if you provide pictures. $8 for shipping in the US. $10 for outside the US. Add $2 for pillow creature allowing for extra decorations and body features as requested. Pay up front so I can purchase any extra materials.
  • Sock creature. Sized roughly 12 inches high by 4-5 inches wide -- exact measurements depend on creature request. Color of your choice. I have experience making: Generic monster/bear/monkey/rabbit -- $10; Squid/sea monster -- $12 (involves extra time). I can attempt another design and will estimate cost at request. Add $2 for shipping outside the US. Add $1 for "beans" in hands and feet. Pay up front so I can purchase any extra materials.
  • Drabbles. $1-3 for 100-300 words. Please choose from fandoms listed in the top three categories. Pay upon receipt of drabble.
  • Hand-sewn Homestuck logo shirts. $9 for a plain T-shirt, $11 for a modified shirt (cut sleeves, cut neck). Add $2 for sizes above XL and $2 for shipping outside the US. Pay up front so I can purchase any extra materials.
  • Podfic. $5 for anything up to 3,000 words. $2 per additional 1,000 words. Pay upon receipt of podfic. Note: I will not podfic any non-con. Also, if I am triggered by the material, I reserve the right to decline your request.
  • Something else you want? Ask, and I'll estimate if I can do it and what it would cost.

A requested donation button. You can use this to pay for something you'd like, or if you're more comfortable with a straight donation... just indicate that I guess. *hearteyes*

aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (bomb girls - wives)
Spring is, traditionally, when change happens, when love begins.

And, in the spirit of that (and yet completely unrelated, it just seemed like a good lead-in)... I'm moving to Southern California in two months to live with[personal profile] majesdane .

I'll be busy until then: getting rid of furniture, cleaning out things I won't need, finding a home for my beasts, WisCon with[personal profile] prozacpark  and[personal profile] meganbmoore ,[community profile] not_primetime , finishing travel plans, CONvergence with[personal profile] shadowen  and mage_girl (who I had the pleasure to meet last weekend!) and my lady and possible-no-definite Homestuck cosplay, finishing what projects I can, finding a job, so much packing, getting[personal profile] beverytender  back home, planning, planning, planning, visiting St Louis to say sayonara to my family and friends there, possibly having some sort of gathering here to see me off, and oh yeah, PACKING.

And then, my friend Ben and I hit the road with the UHaul and my car. We're making a bit of an adventure of it and, as we've both been slacking in the original writing department, an inspiration trip.

Of course, once I get there, I'm not sure how radio silent I'll be. Settling in, getting acclimated to a new job, sexy times... and eventually re-enrolling long distance to perform the English department's very first thesis defense via Skype. Oh, and considering re-joining roller derby just as a player.

I'm excited about what the future holds, and about breaking the near future down into manageable weekly and daily goals. Mmm. This girl loves a good plan.
aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (cgrg - logo)
The bout went really well. Hosting is always a flurry of activity and last-minutes, but it pulled together (minus a brief snafu of drama, one that I think will be resolved soon) and we made the other team work HARD for their 20 point win. Considering the last time we played them we lost by over 100? We did fucking awesomely. I'm so proud of everyone, and proud to be a member of such an incredible team.

As far as I know, the only serious injury goes out to my wife, who coached. She jumped on her bad knee, sending it back about three months in healing.

Such a huge expenditure of energy left me feeling vulnerable, however. I've spent the past two nights sobbing in my dreams. Saturday, it was wave after wave of rejection, judgment, and being left behind/out. Last night, I suppose the tears were more of joy, with a darkness behind them.


Have a meme: cast the movie of my life, based solely on how I come across emotionally to you (so, forget any pictures you've seen, not that I look like any celebs). You can also cast the co-stars: my wife, my sister, [livejournal.com profile] prozacpark , [livejournal.com profile] damariscain  and her wife Laura.


Let me tell you about my dream from last night. I don't remember chronologically, so bits and pieces.
- My mother told me she almost disowned me when I came out. (this kind of colored the rest of the dream)
- I found out a number of celebrities were gay: Kristin Chenowith performed a song from Wicked (with a female co-star) ending with a kiss by a Christmas tree, for a family audience. In a question-and-answer session afterwards, I told her how much it meant to me, to be presented with the possibility of belonging. Dakota Fanning (future!Dakota Fanning, she was older) was topless under overalls (surprisingly hot, or not surprisingly at all) and her nipples were pierced and she confessed to a small group that she was a homosexual. (Of course, even in the dream I couldn't quite believe this. One part of me sure it was to get lesbian fans, and the other part fiercely protective of her secret.) There was also a book of photos of famous lesbian couples. I don't remember most, but Anne Hathaway had a girlfriend.
- I think I watched a little too much Oscars.


This muggy, perpetually rainy weather is killing me.
aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (dub dub and lacey)
My birthday is on Saturday. I will be 25. I am doing a few things for my birthday, for the day and the year.

- I have a goal to do 25 new things during the year.
- I am going to attempt to keep a photoblog of the year, with one photo a day.
- Because roller derby/skating is one of the few things that works to make my mood improve, I am going to dual league. On Thursday I start the process of joining the Southern Illinois Roller Girls along with my home league. CGRG will always be my top priority, of course, but more time on skates, and getting in pure shape will be boss.
- My first new thing will happen on my birthday: I am going to be in a hair/fashion show. I don't know what will be done to me. I will walk in front of a crowd. I will be awesome.

I'll link to the photoblog occasionally, but the link is http://www.photoblog.com/sylviasmash
aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (Default)
The past two weeks have been somewhat nightmarish. I've been caught in a spiral of guilt and paranoia and irrational thinking. Crisis mode at home really didn't help.

I normally wouldn't talk about a "cure" like this, but the change has been so... almost instant, and so dramatic, that I really need to stress what is going on.

Until yesterday, I had been eating basically fast food and soda for my one, sometimes two meals a day. Not awesome intake. I was reading up on things I could do to help with depression, and something I kept coming across was a change in diet. I remembered seeing it while researching epilepsy. The food recommendations were the same. Why not try it.

Yesterday for lunch, I bought a bunch of portable health foods (important for work): dried fruit, nuts, granola, juice and soy milk in small containers. I ate a sampling for lunch, and that afternoon started working on a chart to process things I was feeling irrationally guilty about. I could tell a difference between the things I wrote down right after lunch and what I wrote later, as the food and energy kicked in.

Derby practice... hard, but I felt good as usual.

And then this morning. I was able to wake up at the first alarm. I nibbled on snacks during the morning, continuing the healthy diet, was able to keep positive and guilt-free even though I was over-due for posting my femslash10 story and received an AWESOME 6k Mean Girls fic featuring JANIS IAN THE LESBIAN which I will link to once I've read all the fem10 fics and have a big giant link post together.

AND I finished before I went to lunch, thanks to my awesome writing partner Maia, and here it is:

http://community.livejournal.com/femslash10/18643.html (Whip It, Bliss/Pash)

Slog: .2

Aug. 6th, 2010 03:32 pm
aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (jenny sees the future)
Pretty much everything in my life right now is a seizure trigger.

- diet (fast food, dairy, wheat)
- alcohol (not often, but often enough)
- illness (upper respiratory infection)
- medicine (I did miss one day recently, so that isn't helping)
- light/sound (I stare at three computer monitors all day, one of which is made of 16 tiny screens, listen to a repeating soundtrack of elevator music, am alerted to sounds like alarms on doors and telephones ringing)
- the biggie, stress

A lot of these can be changed. Alcohol is not an important part of my life; neither is fast food. However, a lot of people have made improvements by cutting out dairy and wheat, which are two pretty big staples in my diet (since I don't eat much in the way of fruits and veggies, I have to eat SOMETHING). This would need to be evaluated. I will get healthy eventually, and through dosing or a doctor change, I will get back on full medication.

Lights and sounds are every day issues that my body either needs to accommodate or be medicated to handle.  If this job is truly too... "high risk" for me at this time, then [here comes the OCD cycle thinking] I need to look into disability. Honestly, with an English major and this economic climate, every job available to me involves a computer screen.

As for stress, a lot of this involves finding long-term solutions. At this point in the league, we are building the entire future, not just this month. While I'm creating the website, I will be preventing myself from doing the same work a month from now. So this immense stress now won't be on me later.. and while that doesn't help now, it will be beneficial then. This will also help in future bouts, future skater relations.. all of which can potentially be more hands-off. Not awesome now, awesome later.

Another issue that has come to mind today, while seizing up more than once an hour, is whether this will interfere with roller derby. Of course I need to report what is happening to the training committee, but unless things get worse, this situation can only harm myself. I freeze on the track, am dazed for a moment... perhaps my team misses a point or a crucial block. Isn't that better than missing a player? After all, I have already played a scrimmage while phasing in and out, and the worst that happened was a big fall (and I'm sure that was more on account of inexperience than any malfunction). In any case, I need to be aware of my body's ability and stop denying to myself that this is happening.

If it means I have to skip work and get a ride to St Louis, I may have to keep that appointment. I hate to think that is the option.
aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (don't leave me)
I've been having complex partial seizures for around a month now, and mostly didn't realize it, but lately I've been ignoring them or filing them in my brain as "weird space-out moments" when I, experienced seize-ee as I am, should have recognized first go around what these were, despite their shortness and frequency.

The first time I remember noticing was during practice scrimmage with SIRG. I couldn't "get my head in the game" and I kept thinking about that awful High School Musical song. The lights were strange.

Then, lately, while driving, I've had full body "hiccups" where I phase out and in, and within minutes, repeat the process. Now, the action has increased (but not in danger, I suppose) to phasing while sitting at work. Three times (I counted) from arrival at 8am until this writing at 10:30.

Within this period, I missed my medication one day, but if the SIRG scrimmage date is the same seizure, than this is not the cause. Also, I do not recall any incidents occurring on or directly after that day.  They feel almost like I am falling asleep and then being jerked awake--there is an electric current that zooms through my body and I come out of the phase. I suppose these blinks last only seconds, but I have not seen myself have one, so they could be longer.

I was talking to Angela about trying to find a safe way to get to work, assuming they don't let up on their own this weekend. She wondered what might be the cause of them, since I am on my medication. I suggested stress, since there seems to be no other potential answer, and I can't bear to entertain the thought that roller derby could be involved (in fact, I think that epilepsy patients are encouraged to be involved in physical activity...)

In any case, stress is a big part of my life. Despite being out of school and largely done with my graduate program, I have not, in fact, graduated. At some point, I will have a thesis to complete--that is not off the shelf. Of course, that is taking a back burner to my current projects.

I work from 8-5 every weekday. My job is not wholly demanding, but it does keep me occupied. I constantly take calls and field them to roughly 25 offices and three businesses in the building. I am the face of the company. I file incoming service calls. I log service calls that have been completed, and reported numbers for each machine. I am supposed to know where every member of the business is at all times to be able to reach them fastest. A mistake that I make could affect the paycheck of another.

While I work, I attempt to RP. This keeps me up on writing skills and socialization. It is also fun, but sometimes topics and even my characters can become overwhelming. While the experience itself is worthwhile, on top of everything else I do, it can be a bit much.

I try to keep roller derby out of the work day, but as the Web Coordinator, sometimes it just makes sense to update Facebook or Twitter during my free moments at work. All work on the forum or website, however, must be done at home because of my limited work resources. All of my practice hours are logged after 5pm, in a rush to change clothes and get to where I'm going--whether that be in Cape (the A.C. Brase Arena) or Marion/Carbondale. 

Nights off? Spent working on derby, discussing derby, meeting about derby, or occasionally, sitting at home, watching television, and talking about roller derby. Understandable, considering derby is the one connection through which I know my new friends, and there is a LOT to talk about, especially in this season when we are planning, planning, planning for two upcoming bouts and really getting off the ground, but constantly cycling through the same things and hacking apart the same issues can't be good for stress.

Weekends are usually derby-soaked as well. Last weekend, I found myself volunteering for two separate babysitting jobs simply to get away from the immersion culture for awhile. And, yes, while those jobs came with their own set of stresses, it was nice to get a bit of head clearing. I spent more time with them than I had to.

Thursday Itself:
Stress-- Back to work after being sick, messed up service tickets, Lura discussion at bar, hair
Remedy-- took it easy at work, hair therapy, alcohol
Food-- Culver's Butterburger w/cheese, fries, rootbeer float, mixed drink, 6 wings, fries
Sleep-- 1am-7:30am
aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (30 rock - oh my fucking god)
The other day at the TA picnic I had a pretty delicious and decadent dish that Cole called German Potatoes, or something to that effect. He said it's made with potatoes (of course), bacon lard, vinegar, and because he didn't read the jars properly, that dish was made with applesauce. I'm sure some other things went into it.

Since the picnic, I've been craving the apple-potato combination, and wanting it in a way less superficial than simply getting some mashed potatoes and biting into an apple. So, tonight I tried to make a kind of duplication of the dish.

My version is loads healthier, and actually tastes less like a heart attack. It looks like thick mashed potatoes or applesauce, so the explanation might be a bit difficult for your tastebuds. However, the combination is pretty incredible.

A good thing to serve this with would be pork chops, for example. All compatible flavors.

Recipe, photo, and directions under the cut.
Read more... )
aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (rome - octaviayum)
because [livejournal.com profile] bertiedav hadn't even heard of this phenomenon.

Read more... )

Want my collection of pictures that prove Hayden is dating every single cast member of Heroes?
aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (son - paulaspencergay)
Okay, this is so big that I had to put it on my website. If you have more pictures that you think should be added (especially pictures of the actors/actresses out of character and without tags) please drop them in a comment. I'll give you credit if you want it.

Here goes!

Part 1: Lauren Collins, Deanna Casaluce
Part 2: The rest of the cast in solo pics
Part 3: Paired photos of the cast
Part 4: Group Shots of the cast
Part 5: WTF pics and Screenshots, pt1
Part 6: More Screenshots

Granted, these are not for the slow connections. But let me know if you come across any problems.


aphrodite_mine: barrettes in reddish hair read 'feminist killjoy' (Default)

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