the lonesome lows don't quite go away overnight

On livejournal:

--> intoabar: Pick a character who walks into a bar, get assigned a random character from a fandom of your listing who they meet. Write a fic about it. Gen, het, fem... whatever. Signups are open. (Also on DW)

--> femslash_planet: I'm on team sweeps. Having a stupid amount of fun so far and all I've done is plan a project and do a wordsearch.

RP:

Playing as Bianca from Degrassi. Love me some conflicted feelings, and hello powerplay. (Yes, I ship her with Adam, and yes, I'd probably ship her with anyone, given the screen time. But not Alli. Bleh.)

IRL:

::crickets:: OH YEAH WE PLAYED OUR FIRST BOUT. IT WAS AWESOME AND WE LOST SO HARD BUT IT WAS THE BEST DAY EVER.

I've been having complex partial seizures for around a month now, and mostly didn't realize it, but lately I've been ignoring them or filing them in my brain as "weird space-out moments" when I, experienced seize-ee as I am, should have recognized first go around what these were, despite their shortness and frequency.

The first time I remember noticing was during practice scrimmage with SIRG. I couldn't "get my head in the game" and I kept thinking about that awful High School Musical song. The lights were strange.

Then, lately, while driving, I've had full body "hiccups" where I phase out and in, and within minutes, repeat the process. Now, the action has increased (but not in danger, I suppose) to phasing while sitting at work. Three times (I counted) from arrival at 8am until this writing at 10:30.

Within this period, I missed my medication one day, but if the SIRG scrimmage date is the same seizure, than this is not the cause. Also, I do not recall any incidents occurring on or directly after that day.  They feel almost like I am falling asleep and then being jerked awake--there is an electric current that zooms through my body and I come out of the phase. I suppose these blinks last only seconds, but I have not seen myself have one, so they could be longer.

I was talking to Angela about trying to find a safe way to get to work, assuming they don't let up on their own this weekend. She wondered what might be the cause of them, since I am on my medication. I suggested stress, since there seems to be no other potential answer, and I can't bear to entertain the thought that roller derby could be involved (in fact, I think that epilepsy patients are encouraged to be involved in physical activity...)

In any case, stress is a big part of my life. Despite being out of school and largely done with my graduate program, I have not, in fact, graduated. At some point, I will have a thesis to complete--that is not off the shelf. Of course, that is taking a back burner to my current projects.

I work from 8-5 every weekday. My job is not wholly demanding, but it does keep me occupied. I constantly take calls and field them to roughly 25 offices and three businesses in the building. I am the face of the company. I file incoming service calls. I log service calls that have been completed, and reported numbers for each machine. I am supposed to know where every member of the business is at all times to be able to reach them fastest. A mistake that I make could affect the paycheck of another.

While I work, I attempt to RP. This keeps me up on writing skills and socialization. It is also fun, but sometimes topics and even my characters can become overwhelming. While the experience itself is worthwhile, on top of everything else I do, it can be a bit much.

I try to keep roller derby out of the work day, but as the Web Coordinator, sometimes it just makes sense to update Facebook or Twitter during my free moments at work. All work on the forum or website, however, must be done at home because of my limited work resources. All of my practice hours are logged after 5pm, in a rush to change clothes and get to where I'm going--whether that be in Cape (the A.C. Brase Arena) or Marion/Carbondale. 

Nights off? Spent working on derby, discussing derby, meeting about derby, or occasionally, sitting at home, watching television, and talking about roller derby. Understandable, considering derby is the one connection through which I know my new friends, and there is a LOT to talk about, especially in this season when we are planning, planning, planning for two upcoming bouts and really getting off the ground, but constantly cycling through the same things and hacking apart the same issues can't be good for stress.

Weekends are usually derby-soaked as well. Last weekend, I found myself volunteering for two separate babysitting jobs simply to get away from the immersion culture for awhile. And, yes, while those jobs came with their own set of stresses, it was nice to get a bit of head clearing. I spent more time with them than I had to.

Thursday Itself:
Stress-- Back to work after being sick, messed up service tickets, Lura discussion at bar, hair
Remedy-- took it easy at work, hair therapy, alcohol
Food-- Culver's Butterburger w/cheese, fries, rootbeer float, mixed drink, 6 wings, fries
Sleep-- 1am-7:30am

In honor of the video for Alejandro being released today, I decided to watch every Gaga video out there, most for the first time.

As a result, I have some figures.

Best make out with a chick: Love Game vs. Telephone. Love Game has the downfall of being a song both 1) about a game and 2) being a video filled with dudes and crotch/dick grabbing, but the two moments of girlkissing are unexpected and pretty darn hot. Telephone, while sapphicly charged, didn't entirely deliver on the girlsmooching front. Gaga just didn't seem into it. Perhaps she was busy thinking about her Honey Bee.

Best Gaga Breast: Telephone (Jail) vs. Alejandro (Guns) vs. Alejandro (Bikini). This is a difficult choice. Obviously, I favor later-Gaga. As much as Sparkly!Jail Gaga makes me want to be shoved up against some bars, and Gun!Bikini Gaga makes me want to be a target, I think I'm going to have to go with Nude!Bikini Gaga, for the sheer (pun!) breath-snatching (another pun!) factor.

Lowest budget, obviously: Poker Face. This was almost painful to watch. She looks incredibly young, and obviously the director didn't quite know what to do with her.

Best Death: Paparazzi (Skarsgard) vs. Paparazzi (Gaga) vs. Telephone (Tyrese) vs. Bad Romance (Skeletor). I think the verdict goes to Tyrese. Choking on breakfast food is pretty awesome, plus Beyonce then delivers that line about her honey. Nommm.

Best use of chandeliers and polar bears, obviously: Bad Romance. I don't even know.

Best use of Italian stereotypes: Eh, Eh. I didn't even know this was released as a single, let alone made a video. I couldn't bear to sit through the whole thing. Good luck if you try.

Random favorite moment from Beautiful, Dirty Rich: Gaga's hand pressed against a girl's throat. Um, wow.

Waste of a seizure: Video Phone. The set up with guys' heads as cameras was almost going to be a statement, but I guess I expected too much. Fail.

Best Gaga Outfit: First of all, this is an impossible category. I'm going to limit it to the videos, because otherwise there is a limitless material to draw from, and material that I simply haven't observed. Judgement is based on WHOLE look, including shoes, hair, makeup, any accessories... and of course the clothes.

... Okay, I'm a minimalist, and I can't decide, so. I'm just going to say the nude bikini with black stockings from Alejandro. It's understated, and I love her hair with that look. That, or the gun boobs.

I've finished the curses through my teeth. It rang in around 4700 words total, which is pretty awesome for me. Katie/Effy/Naomi, mentions of Emily/OC and Freddie. Lemme know what you think, alright?

Current RP character list.

STOP MAKING ME GAY (and by stop I mean PLEASE MORE).
(totally in alphabetical order)
(totally hotlinking)

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