the lonesome lows don't quite go away overnight

Movies:
- Saint Maud dir. Rose Glass. I won't soon forget the final sequence. There's so much here for a debut feature and it was incredible to see that grow and bloom in Love Lies Bleeding. It doesn't quite congeal here for me, but serves as an incredible artifact of a debut feature.
- Love Lies Bleeding dir. Rose Glass. A really transcendent theater experience about consuming desire. Marvelous.
- The Platform dir. Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia. Didn't work for me. Quite hammer-headed with messaging, but you know that going in and keep wondering if it will be worth the allegory, and, spoiler, no, not really. 
- Lisa Frankenstein dir. Zelda Williams. Another promising debut! I'm not sure if my issue here is with Williams, Diablo Cody's script, or industry cuts, as I feel like so much is missing or misses the mark. Really wish I could have enjoyed this more, as people who do had so much fun! 

TV Seasons:
- Star Wars: Clone Wars, s6. Definitely sloggier after [redacted] leaves. Odd that as someone who loved The Courtship of Princess Leia and the witches of Dathomir so much in the books REALLY doesn't jive with the magic/mysticism of the Force episodes. We're going to plow through s7 and then switch over to X-Men in prep for X-Men '97. I never watched the original! IMAGINE!
- Call the Midwife, s3. IMO a rougher season. Struggled to connect with Jenny more than usual, and the episode at the asylum was pure horror. 

Albums:
- Lizzy McAlpine, Older. Significant growth from her debut! This album hit me in a lot of emotions, complicated by my OCD because I misheard "I want you to hate me" as "I want you to rape me" and had a big spiral in Wal-Mart. The comparison to Phoebe Bridgers is strong. I especially like the juxtaposition between McAlpine's "I wish I knew what the end is" and Bridgers' "I Know the End [screaming]." They feel like two facets of the same depression/abusive relationship rut. 
- Bad Bad Hats, Bad Bad Hats. A nice listen. Low investment. Nothing stunning. 

Recipes:
- Candied bacon, egg and cheese croissants with garlic Parmesan butter. E and F helped me cook! SO GOOD, especially the juxtaposition of the sweet bacon with the savory butter bread. 

After the two-week illness marathon, I got a bonus sick day from norovirus! That was fun!

I'm committing to bethefirst, though I'm not sure what I'll write yet. Maybe Allison Ponthier's new music video "Character Development" since it is a queer dream with multiple universes to choose from. (To sell it a little, AP plays an alternate version of herself who writes romance novels. She tries for her latest hit, borrowing from traditional m/f romance tropes while bemoaning her history with men. Then queer magic happens!) If Chappell Roan's video for "Casual" drops soon, that may also be a candidate - queer mermaid alert!

No big watches or reads, but two more album listens as they're simpler to do while working. 

Julia Jacklin - Crushing. This is the album before her latest, Pre Pleasure. I keep coming back to Pre Pleasure as a meditation on intimacy and emotional connection and Crushing doesn't quite get to that peak, but it is an excellent album. I think she's really stunning. 

Searows - Guard Dog. I'd heard a song or two prior to a broad recommendation in the Phoebe Bridgers subreddit, but took that as an excuse to do an album dive. Yes - his voice is almost a dead ringer for hers, which is wild. Unfortunately, that does set up a comparison. His album stays more or less on a limited range of emotional notes. It isn't bad, not by any means, but doesn't stretch very far. I love quite a bit of it. 

I haven't listened to Gracie Abrams' "debut" album (not sure how This is What it Feels Like isn't an EP, but whatever) Good Riddance because I'm sure it will put me through the ringer. 

Album Listens (12/10)

Julia Jacklin, Pre Pleasure: Quite the atmosphere piece. I've listened completely twice now, and it is, in a weird way, difficult to select individual tracks for my rotating playlists, because the album as a whole piece is such a cohesive mood. Which isn't so say that there isn't movement, or excellent guitar. I like it a lot. I like her lyrics, and the way the music moves.

Muna, Live at Electric Lady: This live EP really showcases the expert musicianship in the band. Taken, August (a Taylor Swift cover), and Anything But Me are highlights, but this version of Silk Chiffon is just... next level. There's some awesome mixing, AND Naomi does verse 2, showcasing her absolutely perfect voice. 

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New-to-me Recipes (18/12)

Salmon and Udon Stirfry: Made this for my birthday dinner, and it turned out really good. The salmon is kept spice-free, adding a really clean taste to balance out the flavor fest of saucy udon stirfry with bok choy, peppers, and my favorite recent food purchase, furikake! The sushi sauce makes leftovers a LITTLE bit too fishy if served without salmon, but that's really my only critique. 

Slow-Cooker Boursin Chicken Pasta: I'd never had Boursin cheese before, but this recipe looked so creamy and good that I couldn't resist. In the end, it was all a bit... bland? Essentially the cream cheese, chicken (shredded), and pasta. No one hated it though, so we're going to attempt a version two with some sun-dried tomato. 

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We're wrapped episode two of A League of Their Own (so good) but otherwise haven't had the energy or... anything for watching much. We're consider turning Hulu back on for Abbott Elementary, (possibly) The Patient, and What We Do In The Shadows.

For my birthday, Liz and E got me a beautiful Coleus plant. My other exciting purchase is a new sheet set and pillow. I'm truly an Old. 

I'm not doing great at the Internet right now, including dropping my summerofhorrorexchange assignment, which, as a rule, I don't do. I still have no idea what I would write, if I were aiming to finish it. Got nothing. 

That said, lots of new media stuffs to talk about. 

Movies (14/15)
Last Night in Soho: Look, I'm not saying that men can't make movies about women (or whatever other gender distribution you care for) but I'm pretty sure THIS man (Wright) shouldn't make movies about THESE women. One of whom is clearly t( spoilers )

Cha Cha Real Smooth: This one had me won over for about an hour before reality set in and I fucking hate this guy, but also, I still kind of love him and WHY is Dakota Johnson so hot and moving when her character isn't written AT ALL. Probably the biggest gap between how much I liked it while watching (I LIKED IT SO MUCH YOU GUYS) and post-watch thoughts. I just wish we had a movie that's actually about a guy being good at hosting parties for tweens, or a movie about Dakota (Domino? WAS HER NAME ACTUALLY DOMINO YOU GUYS?) and Lola. Also, is the Jewish culture totally different around here, because I was never invited to a single bar or bat mitzvah, and yet somehow the girl no one wanted around her her mother who none of the parents liked (????) were invited to every single one. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

TV Seasons (10/10)
The Clone Wars, season 2. Getting steadily better, but Anakin is still Anakin and space battles are still fucking boring. 

Full Album Listens (9/10)
Soccer Mommy, Sometimes, Forever: Grungier and stickier than color theory, with roughly the same repeatable tracks. Less cohesive as an album, but I like the sound just a smidge better, and love the sonic evolution. The guitar and bass here are chef's kiss.

Metric, Formentera: After giving a cold hard pass to their last album, I was planning to skip this one as well. I even tried the opening track, the 10-minute art piece "Doomscroller" and quit in a panic because, well, I was having a mild anxiety attack. NPR convinced me to try again, and "Doomscroller" is worth the initial angst. Around the middle minutes it transforms and the journey is worth it. I don't plan on listening to the song ever again, to be honest, but I'm glad I did. There are a few tracks on the rest of the album (title track included) that are really, really great. 

Recipes (goal met)
Slow Cooker Jambalaya Risotto: Good flavor, needed more heat and for the rice not to be overcooked. Sad.

Creamy, Cherry Tomato Garlic Pasta: A+ LOVE a savory cream sauce. (Got this one from Instragram)

- The song "Beggin'" by Madcon (itself a cover of an earlier version) is the much better version of the song covered by Maneskin and all over the top 40. It just came on my playlist.
- After watching the trailer for Climax, I knew I'd probably "like" to see it, but also that I couldn't possibly, because the trailer itself gave me such bad intrusive thoughts for weeks that I'd about given up. I listened to the "Too Scary; Didn't Watch" podcast on it, and got the thoroughly soul-crushing experience without OCR visuals! I don't recommend it, but if you must experience the film, at least don't watch it. 
- I spent a good chunk of Monday dreamily thinking about my actress/actress romance and maybe the idea isn't totally dead! 
- The new MUNA album comes out on Friday, that's cool!
- I really, really like the song "@elio.irl" by ELIO and Adam Melchior. Really. 

Movies (11/15)
Men - Okay, while it wasn't what I thought it would be, I'm liking it supremely more upon reflecting. I'm also sticking to my original thought that I wouldn't have made that particular choice, but I don't think it is as terrible as I initially felt. The ending, I mean. I always liked the first 3/4. 

Pieces of Nonfiction for Work (4/12)
Wrote a little blog about OCR, which was relatively painless.

Recipes (12/12)
Shrimp pasta primavera was fine. Earthy as heck. 

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Two tracks to leave you with.

1) My Kink is Karma - Chappell Roan (the video is delightful and features femdom and burlesque)

It's hot when you're going through hell
And you're hating yourself, I'm feeling myself
It's hot when you know that you're caught
And you're getting pissed off, it's getting me off

2) how are you not freaking out? - Greta Issac (video is several random clips, not official)

god bless the version of me
who lives in the suburbs
she drinks wine and watches tv
she's got everything she needs, what a loser

Album Listens (2/10)
- Josh Pyke, To Find Happiness. I've been a fan of Pyke for about a decade now, and he's such a talented musician, but his more recent albums just don't have replay for me, let alone any real standout tracks. Ah well. 

Fiction (5/5)
- At least I will be when goreswap goes live tomorrow! I'm not sure if stories will be anon or not, but you can probably guess which is mine if you're so inclined. 

Podcast Recs (2/10)
- UnderUnderstood shared their appearance on Twenty Thousand Hertz on their own feed, thus exposing me to a show that is very much my jam. Twenty Thousand is a show about sounds, done in short form (30 minutes or less), with lovely sound design. Once a year they have a mystery sound game show, which Kiddo and I both thoroughly enjoyed.

Sales for Work (7/5)
- I'm running behind our profit goals, but I'm way ahead on sheer number of wins. This year is such a weird dance of WE ARE KILLING IT and WE ARE UTTERLY FAILING. (We're hiring - do you live near St. Louis and want the info?)

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Y'ALL SEE THE MEN FULL TRAILER? OH MY GOD.

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I'm interested in importing fandom_arcana over from LJ, but I was the only maintainer and my LJ has been purged. Is this still possible? (Warning: Eliot Page is deadnamed on the first page of entries - I also can't edit it now.) Should I just start from scratch? I don't think I really have time to mod, anyway. I know goodbyebird is interested in tarot-prompts, but would anyone else want to play?

Phoebe Judge shared the story of Pearl and Olga, strangers who met when one intentionally shot the other, on a recent episode of My Favorite Murder. The story would have made a better Criminal episode, but I'm glad I got to hear it either way. 

Listen here: https://myfavoritemurder.com/313-this-is-criminal/ 

Read the New Yorker piece here: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1953/08/08/the-perils-of-pearl-and-olga 

Where is the Pearl/Olga fandom? OTP h/c queens. 

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Broods has a new album, Space Island. It is moody and sad and isolated and a real bop. I recommend "Days are Passing" and "Heartbreak."

After finally managing not to vomit, I decided I should post about Rhianna & Emenim's (yeah, I can't fucking spell it) new song, "Love the Way You Lie," a shocking little ode to domestic violence.

The song should come with a HEAVY trigger warning, as it explicitly discusses physical, emotional, and mental violence, including TYING A WOMAN TO A BED AND SETTING HER ON FIRE.

Now, due to Rhianna's past, I'm sure the song is meant to be taken as some sort of anti-violence message. The lyrics, "I like the way it hurts" could never be misconstrued be horny teens turned on by our culture of violence.

Also totally not confusing? The fact that it is a duet between domestically abused Rhianna and domestic abuser Eminem. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Here is a link to the video, which I have not watched. I assume it is full of fuckery, as the song itself made me nearly pass out in the car.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/06/watch-megan-fox-abused-in_n_673283.html

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Side note: The song reminds me of True Blood, and how the show is passing off an incredibly fucked up couple (with huge dashes of abuse per episode) as the 'soulmates' and OTP of the series. Talk about media fuckery. Where are the songs--the HEALTHY voices--telling our youth, or anyone uneducated that this sort of thing is WRONG? That we shouldn't be turned on by rape. That hitting your woman is NEVER OKAY.

America makes me tired.

In honor of the video for Alejandro being released today, I decided to watch every Gaga video out there, most for the first time.

As a result, I have some figures.

Best make out with a chick: Love Game vs. Telephone. Love Game has the downfall of being a song both 1) about a game and 2) being a video filled with dudes and crotch/dick grabbing, but the two moments of girlkissing are unexpected and pretty darn hot. Telephone, while sapphicly charged, didn't entirely deliver on the girlsmooching front. Gaga just didn't seem into it. Perhaps she was busy thinking about her Honey Bee.

Best Gaga Breast: Telephone (Jail) vs. Alejandro (Guns) vs. Alejandro (Bikini). This is a difficult choice. Obviously, I favor later-Gaga. As much as Sparkly!Jail Gaga makes me want to be shoved up against some bars, and Gun!Bikini Gaga makes me want to be a target, I think I'm going to have to go with Nude!Bikini Gaga, for the sheer (pun!) breath-snatching (another pun!) factor.

Lowest budget, obviously: Poker Face. This was almost painful to watch. She looks incredibly young, and obviously the director didn't quite know what to do with her.

Best Death: Paparazzi (Skarsgard) vs. Paparazzi (Gaga) vs. Telephone (Tyrese) vs. Bad Romance (Skeletor). I think the verdict goes to Tyrese. Choking on breakfast food is pretty awesome, plus Beyonce then delivers that line about her honey. Nommm.

Best use of chandeliers and polar bears, obviously: Bad Romance. I don't even know.

Best use of Italian stereotypes: Eh, Eh. I didn't even know this was released as a single, let alone made a video. I couldn't bear to sit through the whole thing. Good luck if you try.

Random favorite moment from Beautiful, Dirty Rich: Gaga's hand pressed against a girl's throat. Um, wow.

Waste of a seizure: Video Phone. The set up with guys' heads as cameras was almost going to be a statement, but I guess I expected too much. Fail.

Best Gaga Outfit: First of all, this is an impossible category. I'm going to limit it to the videos, because otherwise there is a limitless material to draw from, and material that I simply haven't observed. Judgement is based on WHOLE look, including shoes, hair, makeup, any accessories... and of course the clothes.

... Okay, I'm a minimalist, and I can't decide, so. I'm just going to say the nude bikini with black stockings from Alejandro. It's understated, and I love her hair with that look. That, or the gun boobs.